A Widow’s Story: A Memoir Book Review

The book A Widow’s Story: A Memoir by Joyce Carol Oates is a powerful story about the author’s journey after the death of her husband of 47 years. The book told from Mrs. Oates point of view gives insight on how painful and gut wrenching it is to lose your significant other. The book told in chronological order starts with the moments leading up to the death and the year that follows. The book includes some sentimental flashbacks, emails and letters along the way. The story has no alternative motives but to provide the reader with an in depth look into the life of a grieving widow. The book connects on an emotional level, creating a sense of realism that helps the reader feel and go through this pain with the author.
           

Oates gives a personal account of what she had to go through after her husband’s death. The book is told as a narrative, and provides inner dialogue and thoughts the author had at those moments. She succeeds in taking the audience on a emotional roller coaster as she tries to figure out how to move on and keep her life together. From this she raises an important question, who am I? She has been married 47 years and associates herself as a wife and a writer. The death of her husband shakes this very foundation and forces her to reflect on her relationship and the man she married.

Throughout the story you get a sense that the author isn’t a very open and is a guarded person. You can see this in the way she responds to the letters after her husband died. But this story is the complete opposite of that, she allows the audience into every aspect of her grief and pain to convey this emotional story. Her struggle to come to terms that her husband is actually lost can be seen with this quote, “ I must stop dwelling upon the past, which can’t be altered. I must stop hearing these teasing, taunting voices- Is my husband alive?” (228) This struggle carries on with her throughout the book and causes her to avoid his study and her incapability to move his things. 
    

This book had me from page one, the way she is able to convey her pain and carry that same emotion throughout the whole story is astonishing. Every page is littered with emotions and every story she tells are too heartfelt and heart breaking to be fictional. She provided a looking glass so that her audience can see into a life of a grieving widow. What makes this story work is that is relatable, everyone goes through loss, I’ve been through loss, and it remains one of the hardest things a person has to go through. What Oates accomplishes is that she makes her story accessible to everyone, at some point in the story whether you lost a wife, or father, or friend you can relate to the emotions that she is going through. What happens in the story is real and it feels that way when you read it. Adding the letters and emails to the story contribute to overall feel of the story but what found really interesting and enjoyed are the little segments at the end of each chapter. She refers to herself as the “widow” and speaks in third person. The reason I really enjoyed this is because it allowed for self-evaluation, she was able to take herself out of her own personal sorrow and reflect and comment on her actions and thoughts as if someone else. This just added another dynamic to the story that I don’t really see in stories about death. This one of the most emotional stories I have ever read, I highly recommend it to anyone who is willing to take that ride with her.

The High Cost of Dying

            The death of a loved one no doubt leaves a hole in your heart but what about your finances? Money is an awful thing to think about when it comes to the death of a loved one but it is something you cannot avoid. The price of maintaining their health as well as funeral prices have become an issue and a source of problems for most people. More and more people are struggling to pay for the bills and it is not getting any easier. The cost of death and dying threatens the wallets of the families and those who care for the dying.
                     With an increase in the amount of people dying in hospitals, many families struggle with paying for medical bills. A study conducted Mount Sinai School of Medicine researchers found that the average person with Medicare paid about $38,688 for medical expenses. This includes hiring caregivers among other things. The study also showed that patients and their families depending on their condition could spend up to $101,791. The pricing and high costs results in 43 percent of those with Medicare to spend all or majority of their assets. Some patients might find themselves having to go to the intensive care unit (ICU). According to Ira Byock a doctor at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, “it costs up to 10,000 a day to maintain someone in the ICU.” Some patients remain there for months, some even years which eventually leads them and their family to pay a steep price to keep them alive. Byock also states the about 18 to 20 percent of Americans spend their last days in the ICU and in uncomfortable circumstances. Many patients have to be restrained and sedated to prevent them from tampering with the tubes and medical equipment. This is not the ideal of most seniors, when asked majority of seniors said they would rather die at home but 75 percent end up dying in hospitals and nursing homes, were they continue to take money leaving those impacted virtually broke.
            Funerals in recent years have become a profitable business causing a raise in prices. If it wasn’t enough to pay medical bills, the cost of funerals and after death preparations can equal or even surpass those medical expenses. Elisabeth Leamy a reporter and researcher says a traditional funeral costs about $6,000 and high end fancier ones can go up to $10,000. To make things worse, those who work at Funeral homes are known to rip customers off or charge high prices for their products including caskets. Other expenses come from transfer prices, facility/staff use, and body preparations. Leamy says there a number of schemes that funeral homes use to get the most money out of their customers. Some ways include: charging for death certificates, having a fee for outside caskets, charging for unnecessary goods not requested by the family, and a common technique is not putting the price of the casket out until the family buys it. All these factors contribute to the high pricing of funerals. According to the Nation funeral Directors Association (NFDA) funerals combined with crematories have revenue of over $11.95 billion dollars, making it a lucrative and successful business. The number of deaths that were casketed in 2010 was about 68% a drop from 2000 which averaged about 79%. This drop can be a result of pricing, and the family’s inability to pay for the funeral. NFDA also shows that there has been an increase in cremation which may also affect the rate of casketed deaths. Cremation is cheaper and affordable which reasons why some people tend to go with that over the traditional funeral and burial.
            Families of the deceased do not benefit from the increased prices of medical and funeral expenses. From personal experience when my grandmother died the funeral experience was not what I thought it would be. My grandmother was hospitalized for her last moments and the bills were something talked about by my family. It was a collective effort to pay for all the expenses needed to keep her there until her passing. But the stress did not end there, when it came down to planning for the funeral there was a lot of disputes and arguments over what the family should do. It took my whole family to pitch it to pay for the funeral which cost a large sum, and in my opinion the service provided was not worth that much. There were a lot of arguments with the funeral directors and workers about how things should be handled and how to go about having a funeral that we would want. To me the funeral became less of a place of grieving and more of a place of business. At the end of funeral more people were just relived that things were over with than anything, which I feel is not how you’re supposed to feel after the passing of a loved one. From what I experienced all this money and cost of dying takes away from the emotional impact one goes through after a death. Death is a business now and people are profiting from your loss.
The cost of dying has repercussions past the death of a loved one, both finically and emotionally. The process of dying and dying itself has now become something people can profit from and as painful and horrible as that sounds it’s true. Not only does death take away a loved one but also money from our own pockets.

Age Discrimination: Are Seniors Too Old To Work?

            How would you feel if you were not allowed to get a job because you were too old? Or denied other basic human rights because of your age? Many seniors are being forced to live with these questions as they are increasingly being denied job opportunities in this poor economic climate. Age discrimination for jobs has seen an increase over the years and continues to negatively affect seniors.
            Age discrimination has not always been at the forefront of controversy but remains a major problem in today’s society. Normally when discrimination is discussed people associate it with race, sex, or even religion but age discrimination has seen an increase in the recent years (Burnett, 2011) proving it is just as an important of an issue as the others. According to Curt Burnett in 2011, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission reported 23,465 complaints about age discrimination, which was a 35 percent increase from 2001. Although these numbers are not as high as race, which has about over 35,000 complaints in 2011, or sex discrimination collecting about 28,000 complaints (EEOP, 2011) the increase demonstrates that it is not a problem that is subsiding. With a struggling economy that is causing seniors to come out of retirement, it is important that they receive equal opportunities for jobs. The number of workers whose age is 50-64 is projected to rise 40 percent over the next 4 years. (Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2012). Clearly displaying those seniors will remain a very big part of the American work force.
            The ramifications of the senior work force being denied jobs can be detrimental to their health and lives. The seniors affected would have no way of sustaining themselves financially and physically.  With no money and nothing to keep them busy seniors can suffer serious cases of depression and loneness. It takes a person 55 and older three months longer to find a job then a young person. (Hannon, 2012) Within this time a senior can be suffer from psychological effects. According to McDowell’s 2012 report avoidance is a common and generally the most destructive condition that seniors being turned away suffer from. The fact that they are being turned away because of their age can cause them to turn to drugs and alcohol to avoid the stereotype. This “avoidance” can often lead to depression and in some circumstances suicide (McDowell, 2012). Jobs give seniors structure and keep them in a daily routine. By denying them this it opening up the door to problems and poorer self-rated health (Span, 2012).
            Age discrimination’s increase can be a result of many factors including stereotyping, performance worries, and financial problems. With the work place becoming more and more technological base many companies will opt to hire a young, computer-literate person rather then an older person (Mann, 2012). The worry here is that the older person would not be able to learn and be stuck in his or her own ways. They would not be able to adapt to the new technology and therefore not benefit the company (Posthuma, 2010). According to Mann another problem is older people don’t have the energy and don’t work as hard as younger workers. Employers want the most out of their employees and want to make sure they can profit of them. Employers might feel that this energy is more beneficial to the company then the senior’s experience. Although there is no direct correlation to age and work performance it is still a constant thought in the mind of those hiring (Posthuma, 2010). Lastly, financial worries can play a huge part in whether an employer hires a young person or a senior. Some employers don’t feel like they need to pay high salaries to seniors with experience, when they can pay a younger person who is willing to learn and be paid less. Also the cost of health and retirement benefits can be a factor into whether they feel like hiring a senior. (Lawyers, 2012) All these factors play a role into why age discrimination in the workplace exists. None of which can be proven as an overall statistical fact, these stereotypes and financial and performance worries are preventing capable people from getting jobs that they need.
            Acknowledgment of the problem and its impact is the first step in fixing this brand of discrimination. Age discrimination continues to plague our seniors and prevents them from attaining a stable job. That is not to say that it can’t be fixed but we, as a society must get over the constant stereotypes and worries that can affect our decision-making. Identifying and attempting to fix these issues are essential in protecting the future and ourselves.

References:

Burnett, C. (2012, March 8). Age discrimination a growing issue in a difficult economy. Retrieved from http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865551785/Age-discrimination-a-growing-issue-in-a-difficult-economy.html?pg=all

Hannon, K. (2012, June 21). Fighting age discrimination: New aarp survey. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/kerryhannon/2012/06/21/fighting-age-discrimination-new-aarp-survey/

Lawyers. (2012). Battling age discrimination . Retrieved from http://labor-employment-law.lawyers.com/employment-discrimination/Battling-Age-Discrimination.html

Mann, T. (2012). Reasons for age discrimination. Retrieved from http://www.ehow.com/list_6374202_reasons-age-discrimination.html

McDowell, R. (2012). The effects of age discrimination. Retrieved from http://www.ehow.com/list_6641209_effects-age-discrimination.html

Posthuma, R. (2010, February). Age stereotypes in the workplace. Retrieved from jom.sagepub.com/content/35/1/158.full.pdf

Span, P. (2012, January 12). Age discrimination takes its toll. Retrieved from http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/12/age-discrimination-takes-its-toll/

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (2011). Charge statistics. Retrieved from http://eeoc.gov/eeoc/statistics/enforcement/charges.cfm

The Cause and Prevention of Heart Disease

What happens to us as we age?  Aging is something everyone will go through, but have you ever thought about how your actions now will influence your health and status when you go older? When people age they are constantly reminded that health is important, and to regulate the potentially bad aspects of their life. The truth about aging is it comes with a lot of health issues, potentially life threatening ones at that, none of which as detrimental and life taking as heart disease.
Heart Disease continues to be an issue for people all over the United States. According to the Center of Disease Control or CDC, “600,000 people die of heart disease in the United States every year- that’s 1 in every 4 deaths.” From this statistic it is easy to see the impact that heart disease has on people, it remains the leading cause of death in both men and women. (CDC, 2012) The impact of heart disease generally resides with older people 60 and above but can effect people as young as twenty. To better understand heart disease one must understand how you get it. There are multiple causes for heart disease but the main and most common cause is atherosclerosis. Atherosclerosis is caused when fat, cholesterol, and other substances build up in the arteries causing the formation of plaques. (NIH, 2012) With this build up it makes it difficult for blood to get to the heart and other parts of the body often resulting in a stroke or a heart attack. Factors such as smoking, unhealthy diet, and lack of excise can account for the reason for this build up. In today’s society we eat so much unhealthy food, and prefer to watch TV and play video games instead of going out and exercising. People are sabotaging their health at such a young age only to pay for it later on in life.
Heart disease is commonly seen in seniors and remains the leading cause of death. All the unhealthy things done in ones life like bad dieting and lack of exercise begin to build up, and starts to have repercussions when people age. This makes seniors more susceptible to disease and other health related problems. According to The American Heart Association, “for the age group 60-79 CVD (Cardiovascular Disease) is common in 72.6% in men, and 71.9 in women and for those in the age group 80+ it is common in 80.1% in men and 86.7 in women.” Seniors suffer from life threatening strokes and heart attacks for this reason. Due to unhealthy styles of living they are basically a ticking time bomb when it comes to heart issues, and potential failure. With the body growing weaker and more fragile with age it becomes harder and harder to recover from heart attacks and other health problems, which is why so many deaths occur. But there is a positive, although heart disease is still the leading cause of death in older individuals the numbers of death have seem to decreased. This can be contributed to the fact that today people are living longer and are making good lifestyle changes. CDC reported that heart disease has declined 30-40 percent in men and women ages 65 and older. This is defiantly something to be proud of, this shows that action is being taken and people are starting to care about what they do with their bodies. With a constant progression towards better lifestyles the possibilities of cutting those numbers down even more is definitely a possibility.
There are many things one can do to prevent heart disease and sustain a healthier life. A major contributor to heart disease is smoking and tobacco. The effects of tobacco can cause build up in the arteries, as well as high blood pressure, and damages to the heart. (Mayo Clinic, 2012) Just by quitting smoking your chances of getting heart disease drops dramatically and helps sustain a healthier life. Exercise is another aspect that can greatly increase your resistance to heart disease. By exercising on a daily basis you are reducing the chance of diabetes and obesity, which are both key contributors to Atherosclerosis and eventually heart disease. (Sholl, 2012)  This can be done by jogging or walking daily as well as playing sports. Eating healthy is another way to really help prolong your life and keep it heart disease free. By maintaining a healthy diet and staying away from highly fattening food you are reducing your risk for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and again obesity. (Murray, 2012) Making fruits and vegetables a part of your daily diet and reducing the intake of fried foods and sweets will help prevent the disease. If one abides by these simple guidelines and makes it a priority to be healthy then there is no reason for those heart disease statistics to go up. Keeping our bodies healthy and maintaining a positive lifestyle are keys to having a longer life.
Heart disease is a major issue in the lives of Americans and remains the leading cause of death. But that is subject to change, if more people start caring about their lives and their health it is possible to reduce those numbers and eventually cut the deaths and cases of heart disease. By simply adding those lifestyle changes to your daily routine you can add years to your life and save you from a hospital ridden future. It’s not going to be easy by any means but its not impossible, simple tweaks in lifestyle and habit can be the difference in living with or without heart disease.

References

American Heart Association. (2012, January). Heart and stroke statistics. Retrieved from   http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/General/Heart-and-Stroke-Association-Statistics_UCM_319064_SubHomePage.jsp

Center of Disease Control. (2012, October 13). Heart disease facts. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/facts.htm

Mayo Clinic. (2011, January 12). Heart disease. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/heart-disease/DS01120

Murray, M. (2102, April 24). Heart disease: Tips for prevention. Retrieved from http://www.umm.edu/features/tips_prev.htm

NIH. (2012, June 12). Hardening of the arteries. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001224/

Sholl, J. (2012, May 14). 10 strategies to help prevent heart disease . Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001224/

Quality of Life Improved by Pets

Pets have been used for a multitude of things over the years from regular household pets to guard animal, but can these animals be used to better ones life? Can these animals provide something for those in need? Through some research I was able to find that these pets not only provide companionship but a purpose for living. The presence of pets improves the quality of life, especially for seniors.

One main factor that pets are able to provide is companionship. Many elderly develop a feeling of loneliness over the years due to their spouse and friends dying which normally is followed by possible depression and sadness. What a pet is able to do is add a sense of companionship. A pet is able to provide those people with a living being that loves and cares for them. Those in nursing homes reported that they experienced less loneliness when a dog visited then being with other people. (Scott, 2012) Pets give these people much needed unconditional love and attention. They give the elderly person something to tend to and care for. Sort of like a child, the pet is able to be the source joy and happiness. “The absence or insufficiency of emotional or intimate social relationships is projected onto the pet or the dog.” (Scheibeck, 2011) This shows that elder individuals use their pets as means to make up for the ones they lost, a animal fills that void and remains a loyal friend and companion. A recent study also discovered that men with AIDS who didn’t have pets were three times more likely to suffer depression then those with pets. (Scott, 2012) Proving again that pets are able to provide a sense of comfort and relief for their owners regardless of whatever they are going through.

Another positive outcome of having a pet is that it promotes socializing. Pets have been known to help elderly people break out of their shells and communicate with others better. “The presence of animals is associated with the tendency of older persons to smile, and talk more, reach out toward people and objects, exhibit more alertness and attention, and experience more symptoms of well-being and less depression.” (NIH, 2010) Pets act as a middle man and a medium to which they can communicate to other people, making them more cooperative and willing to work with others. You can see that the results of having a pet around is generally a win-win for everyone involved.

Not only does pets offer emotional stability but also health and physical benefits. “In general, dog owners are more active on a daily basis than other people.” (Scheibeck, 2011) Pets provide their owners with a reason to get up and be active. For instance a pet like a dog needs to be walked therefore encourages its owner to get up and walk. Most elderly don’t feel the need to exercise or be active but the pet is an incentive to promote a more active lifestyle. These pets keep their owners active and healthier, it gives them a reason to do these things and someone to do it with. Physical activity keeps the owners healthier and sustainable but another important factor is pets can be the reasons for “lower blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and triglyceride”. (CDC, 2010) The presence of a pet can contribute to a less stressful lifestyle. Studies show that having a pet around causes people to be more calmer and less stressed even the act of petting non active animals like cats have positive effects on stress. (NIH, 2010) Especially at an older age this can help immensely considering that being overly stressed can cause some serious problems health wise. All these health benefits defiantly contribute to the quality of life for the elderly.

Pets give owners purpose, and something to live for. Much like a child or a friends, a pet gives its owner something to love and care for. It gives it’s owner a sense of direction, and someone to tend to and protect. Pets need constant care and attention and in return they give you a life long friend and companion. A pet provides structure in the lives of it’s owner, from the walks to feedings it provides a schedule that gives each day purpose, and reason to get up. Elderly people “generally no longer have employment to structure their daily schedules.” (Hart, 2011) Having pets allows owners to reestablish this daily schedule, and provides a constant in their lives. With this structure it gives the owner something to do everyday, to keep busy and remain active. Pets also in some cases can prolong life, if not physically definitely mentally. The pet provides happiness and joy and gives the owner a reason to keep on living. The longevity of ones life depends on their lifestyle and health. With an animal present you can see that the owner is more active physically by taking walks and is generally more happy considering they have a partner. Both of these contribute to a longer life.

With all these positive factors about pets and seniors it is easy to see why more and more nursing homes are adopting the idea of having pets around. Pets can be helpful in the emotional and physical well being of our seniors. With the quality of life ever so fleeting it is important to maintain a good lifestyle and way of living. This is where dogs and other pets can help. With the help of these pets our seniors are able to live more active, fulfilled, happier lives.

Resources

Scheibeck, R. (2011, December 11). Elderly people in many respects benefit from interaction with dogs. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3351901/
NIH. (2010). The health benefits of pets. Retrieved from http://consensus.nih.gov/1987/1987HealthBenefitsPetsta003html.htm
Scott, E. (2012, January 14). How owning a dog or cat can reduce stress. Retrieved from http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/a/petsandstress.htm
CDC. (2010, July 28). Health benefits of pets. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/health_benefits.htm

Ethnicity and Aging

Throughout our lives we witness how aging effects us and those around us. It is undeniable fact that everyone will age, but is there a certain race of people that live longer? What factors would play into this and how long on average do they age? Through some research and findings i was able to figure out that on average Hispanic and Asian people tend to live longer then other races. Although most argue over the reasoning behind this, one factor remains constant, the culture and religious aspect of each race plays a role in the longevity of ones life.

According to Anthony Cirillo, ” Hispanics outlive whites by 2.5 years and blacks by almost eight years.” (Cirillo, 2008) and ” Asians have the longest life span (87.3 years) of ethnical racial groups today.” (Measure of America, 2010) This clearly shows a big discrepancy of how long each race lives.  The cultural differences between the races has indeed affected the longevity of its individuals and no matter how big or small the affect it remain relevant. Certainly in some cultures it is the responsibility of the youth and young adults to take care of the elderly. It is considered respectful and mandatory to care for those older than you, but some cultures on the other hand don’t heavily embrace this ideal. That is not to say they don’t care for the elderly, just in different and more hands off kind of ways. Coming from an Asian background i was always told to respect my elders and help them whichever way i possibly can. This has influenced my life greatly, considering that i have taken care of certain old members of my family from time to time. My family does not believe in care homes or anything of the sort, we believe in keeping those elderly member in-house for constant care and help from family. My grandparents lived up until their 90’s so from personal experience i saw what impact that this has on them, the value of care and being around loved ones does play a role in why certain people live longer.

Another interesting find about race is that surprisingly, despite their similarities in culture , lifestyle, social standings, and income Hispanic people continue to live longer than African Americans. This is a very confusing and perplexing finding and many don’t really know why this is so, but it remains true and Hispanic along with Asians have longer lifespans. The confusion in this statistic comes from the fact that African Americans and Latinos continue to be the leading ethnic groups when it comes to poverty and lower education. Both these factors are heavy contributors to why African Americans remain on the lower end of longevity. But the fact that Hispanics continue to live longer then any other race despite those factors baffles and dumbfounds researchers. Hispanics have “higher rates of obesity, and diabetes and lower levels of education, income, and healthcare. (Aleccia, 2010) All those things that contribute to the lower rates of living for African Americans don’t seem to be effecting the Hispanics in the same way. Many say its a list of different factors that help the hispanics stay on top, things like diets and walking help keep their elders live longer.  According to the CDC Hispanics and Black have the highest obesity rates and Asians on the flip side have very low rates. In terms of Asians it is clear that their healthier lifestyle can contribute to why they live longer, maintaing their diet from their culture can play a crucial factor to why they stick around. Again, the anomaly of the Hispanics ability to live longer inspite of those statistics is one that continues to stump everyone. Some research found it as simple as this, “Hispanic significantly smoke less then white americans.” (Goodwin, 2011) The fact that lung cancer and smoking related deaths are so high in America can play an important role in the lives of White americans. The study also shows that on average Hispanics also smoke less than African Americans. Smoking can cause serious effect to anyone, in particular those who are older, causing complications and eventually failure of bodily systems. This fact alone can be a reason why Hispanics live longer. But as i said before there, is no clear-cut answer as to why this is true. It can just be multiple different aspects that make the Hispanic people more apt to living longer.

This finding still continues to be mysterious, and its reasons still unknown. But it just shows how not matter what conditions you may be in, it is possible to have a long life. The staying power of a human being remains a mindset, and those who equip themselves with the tools to succeed later will find out that it does pay off. Our lives remain solely up to us and how we choose to live it, there is nothing set in stone. No matter who you are and what ethnicity you have the ability to live for as long as you want, you just have to be ready to work for it.

References

Aleccia, J. (2010, October 13). Despite health risks, u.s. hispanics outlive rest of population. Retrieved from http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39641507/ns/health-health_care/t/despite-health-risks-us-hispanics-outlive-rest-population/

Goodwin, L. (2011, October 07). Why do hispanics live longer, on average? they smoke less.. Retrieved from http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/why-hispanics-live-longer-average-smoke-less-181810154.html

Citillo, A. (2009). Aging trends point to business opportunities. Retrieved from http://assistedliving.about.com/od/startingabusiness/a/agingtrends.htm
Measure of America. (2011). Asians, latinos have longest life spans. african-americans catch up to last century’s whites. Retrieved from http://cockroachpeople.com/?p=1368

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